Ok, I think what I need at this point is a new goal. If anything, to make sure I don’t give into despair and delete this manuscript, which, I should say, seems to be screwing with my brain. Every time I work on it I feel as if the characters are all looking at me from the page, saying “Are you joking? Are you seriously suggesting I do this? What’s wrong with you?”
I should probably elaborate on what the issue is (trust me, I’m not giving this story away). I’m sure other writers experience the same problems. If they don’t, well, here’s one more thing to keep them up at night.
I sort of know the story I’m writing. Sort of. I was hoping it would become one of those things that develops as you go along – kind of like a relationship with someone you don’t really know well enough yet. Every turn, every twist, is infused with the excitement of it being “a first”. And you think to yourself, “This is brilliant! I am so proud of myself!”
That said, I feel it is safe to say that my story is treating me like I’m a one-night stand. We have a couple of exciting days together, and then I keep waiting for more to happen. It doesn’t. I’m angry and frustrated like a woman scorned. Minus the phone which simply refuses to ring.
What I do know is this: the story is different from what you’ve read before. And in addition to it being an unusual story, I also want to it to be told in “my” voice. Think Zadie Smith and White Teeth. That’s a story. That’s a voice. I know I probably shouldn’t use her as a benchmark, but keep feeling I’m just an idiot with a dictionary on my lap when I look at that kind of beautiful writing.
In light of all of this, I’ll start small. And by small I mean I wish to reach 15,000 words by the end of this weekend. Deep, soothing breath. Don’t panic. This is still only your first draft.
Thank you for reading, and have a nice evening.