People of Character: Nowhere Man

DSC_1853Let me give it to you straight: Nowhere Man is a no-nonsense kinda guy. Not in a cruel, brutal way (although if you’re trying out a new haircut, or think who might have put on some weight, let me tell you now that his opinion is not the one you want to hear), but in a direct way.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a kind man, but he’s a rare breed: the kind who assumes that, if you’re asking a question, it’s because you want a straight answer. And a straight answer is what he gives you every time, without disappointing.

Which means (quelle surprise) he’s not always great with people. But before you write him off as a heartless sociopath (which I assume is what you’ll do if you ask what he thinks of your new haircut or if you’ve been putting on weight), give him a chance and read on.I’ll take a page from Nowhere Man’s book and tell you his story without beating around the bush. He was born. He grew up. He’s an accountant. He wears grey suits (not navy; not black, unless he’s at a funeral). He enjoys the nice, solid life his profession provides him.

Also: he’s married. He’d have to be. Otherwise you’d think, “Of course that guy isn’t married!” or “Sure – who’d marry that guy?”

But wait for it. There’s a punchline.

While it wasn’t an obvious choice for Her, lo and behold, sometimes a fictional heart wants what it wants. Nowhere Man is Her husband, and they’re very happy together. As it turns out, when she’s turning into that big ol’ bowl of crazy, Nowhere Man is the only one who can make her put the Cocoa Puffs down. And when Nowhere Man occasionally loses touch with what might make people unnecessarily cross (haircut, weight gain – you get the picture), she’s the one who can try to get him to see through logic and into other people’s feelings.

Unlikely, I know. But they are, in many ways, a perfect match.

And this is how these three characters happen to be linked. There’s more to it, of course – I haven’t yet gone into why Nowhere Man and This Charming Man don’t see eye to eye. I could tell you the cliché of “it’s not for the obvious reasons,” but when it comes to not getting along, let’s all agree that men have a small number of reasons, and that they are, more often than not, rather obvious.

I’ll tell you what – I better get into that another time.

Thank you for reading.


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